


Go

by Baroness_Blixen



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Angst, Episode: s06e12 One Son, F/M, diana fowley - Freeform, is scully jealous?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-01
Updated: 2020-04-01
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:34:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,027
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23426314
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Baroness_Blixen/pseuds/Baroness_Blixen
Summary: “I’m sick of trying, Mulder,” she says, giving up.  - a different take on "One Son"
Relationships: Fox Mulder/Dana Scully
Comments: 12
Kudos: 122





	1. Go

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Fictober 2019.

Her hand is shaking, unsteady as she fumbles with the car keys unable to meet the lock in the door. She misses, again and again. “Damn,” she mumbles, her fingers as numb as the rest of her. Out of the corner of her eye, she sees a tall, dark figure. Mulder. She groans silently, still trying to get that car open, get away.

“Scully.” His voice sounds distinctly soft.

“You made your point clear, Mulder. Very clear.”

“I want to talk about this. What you said about Diana-”

“I don’t want to hear you defend her. I don’t care anymore.” She watches him stuff his hands in his pockets, stare at the ground. Like a small boy who has just been reprimanded.

“When all of this is over,” he starts, trailing off, meeting her eyes. He doesn’t know how to finish his sentence, because he doesn’t understand what he’s done wrong. He never does. But she’s done. She can’t play this game anymore, she won’t.

“When what is over, Mulder? We won’t talk about this and then pretend it never happened? Right?” Like we usually do. She thinks it but doesn’t say it. Judging by the look in his eyes, he thinks the same.

“That’s not- where is all this coming from? Your antipathy towards Diana isn’t you. You’re not – are you jealous, Scully?” Mulder blinks at her a few times as if he’s just opened his eyes for the first time, seeing something he didn’t expect. A small smile tugs at his lip and she loses it.

“I’m not jealous,” she says, almost yells. The keys slip from her fingers, clatter on the ground. They both stoop down to pick it up at the same time, remarkably in sync. But Mulder is faster than her.

“You sure?” he asks, dangling the key from his finger. He’s wearing a self-righteous grin, full of himself, feeling like he’s in the right. Damn him.

“I know you don’t like to hear this, Mulder,” she makes a grab for her key, but once again, Mulder is faster. She almost topples over and throws him a death glare. “But not everything is about you,” she finishes, close to his face, in nothing more than a whisper. Mute, he hands over the keys, stands up straight. She does the same, her knees protesting. She doesn’t expect him to offer her a hand and help her up – and he doesn’t.

“I guess it’s a good thing we’re no longer working on the x-files, huh,” he says, glancing at her. His eyes are dark, all color vanished. There’s only anger, unveiled and heavy. The distance between them grows and expands. There’s nothing to stop it, not anymore.

“I’m sick of trying, Mulder,” she says, giving up. She went to the Gunmen because they’re his friends and because he trusts them. They were her safety net; if he didn’t want to listen to her – and she was right about that, she thinks bitterly – then he’d listen to them. She was wrong about that. Mulder made his choice and it’s not her. “I’ve been trying to make you listen, to make you see me.”

“I see you, Scully,” he says, sounding exasperated. “I listen. I listened, didn’t I?” She shakes her head, hopelessness taking a hold of her. This is where she stops, where she gets out of this damn car. Diana can take the passenger seat, keep him company. The simple thought makes her feel sick.

“What do you want me to do?” Mulder asks, grabbing her shoulders, his fingers burrowing into her skin through the layers. “Pretend I don’t have a history with Diana? Banish her from my life?”

“Do whatever you want, Mulder,” she says calmly. “It’s nothing personal,” the words are like a slap to his face and he recoils, “but like I said, I can’t help you anymore. This is it for me. You’re telling me not to make it personal and I won’t. We can’t do this forever. I can’t.” She looks at him, tears pooling in her eyes. All these years, everything they’ve been through and this is how it ends. His hands are still on her shoulders, holding her here, to him.

“Please let me go,” she says, swallowing the tears and the pain. His hold on her remains. “Please,” she asks again, more quietly. His hands fall to his side and he stands there, silent and lost, watching her.

He doesn’t stop her when she unlocks the car. She takes her time putting on her seatbelt. It feels as though hours pass. She puts the key in the ignition, starts it, waits. Just one more moment. She thinks back to last year, not even a whole year ago. Another crossroad, forces trying to tear them apart. Mulder was on her heels before she’d even left his apartment, followed her to Antarctica, to the end of the world. That Mulder would have gone anywhere, would have done anything. For her. And now? And now there’s something - someone - else holding him back.

This time, he won’t follow her, won’t stop her. She puts her foot down and drives away, tears rolling down her cheeks. When she checks the rearview mirror, Mulder is gone.


	2. Away

She’s staring at her computer screen, the cursor blinking at her, begging her to make a decision either way. But she’s hesitant. Earlier today, after confronting Mulder, her mind was made up. She’d quit, leave, finally. There was nothing else to do, to decide.

That was before El Rico happened, Cassandra, everything. She thinks of Mulder, wonders about him. Is he sitting in his apartment, thinking about Diana, nursing a broken heart?

She promised him she wouldn’t make it personal. Those words spoken out of spite came from her own bruised heart. It is personal, for her. Even if she finishes her letter of resignation, it will still be personal. Because of her history, of what’s been done to her. And Mulder. Always Mulder.

A knock on her door tears her out of her reverie. She furrows her brow glancing at the time. It’s late. There’s only one person who’d come here at this time of night. It’s Mulder o'clock. She sighs, uncertain if she wants to see him. Her heart makes the decision for her, as it always does. She can’t ignore him, leave him out there.

“Hey,” he says as soon as she opens the door. “I know I’m the last person you want to see.” It’s not entirely true, but she keeps quiet, biting her tongue. “Can I come in anyway?”

She steps aside to make room for him and closes the door. They stare at each other, standing frozen between the kitchen and the living room.

“I didn’t have time to tell you earlier, but uhm, I went to Diana’s apartment to, you know, uhm, see whether you were right.” Her heart is beating quickly. After all this, after all that she threw at him, he listened to her. “I didn’t find anything. Not a single thing.” He laughs, his voice devoid of any humor. “I wanted to believe her, Scully. I wanted to.”

Wanting to believe Diana, she deducts, means he wanted to prove her wrong. The realization hurts and she hugs herself, needing to feel something other than the pain that spreads through her. It cements her decision to leave. The Bureau and him.

“That was wrong. I held on to, I can’t even say what it was. An idea of her, maybe. One I had years ago. I kept that in my head and I – I didn’t want to listen to your doubts because I didn’t want to be wrong. Some part of me knew, well, guessed that there was more to Diana and her return, to her time away. I didn’t want to know.”

“Mulder, you-”

“No, please let me explain- try to explain,” he says, his eyes pleading with her. He takes a step towards her, changes his mind and stops. She can’t shake the image of him at Diana’s apartment, of her by his side. Mulder choosing Diana over her. She is gone now, the final choice taken away from him.

“What you said, I- it sounded final. It sounded like you wanted to… to… leave,” he says the word, trying it out, his eyes searching hers. She doesn’t deny it and he nods, more to himself.

“I sat there in Diana’s apartment, contemplating my sorry life when she came back. After everything that damn Smokey Man said, I was ready to give up. I thought of you, Scully. If I gave up, you could go on live your life, without me showing up in the middle of the night, without me dragging you places, getting you almost killed. Diana kissed me.”

She needs a moment to comprehend what he’s saying. A kiss. He and Diana. It’s like a stab to her heart. “Why are you telling me this?” She hates how tearful her voice sounds, how betrayed she feels.

“I can’t give up, Scully. I didn’t. When you called me, when I heard your voice and your resolve, I knew I couldn’t.”

“But you kissed her.” Her mind is on another kiss, in another place. A kiss that wasn’t meant to be in the end.

He shakes his head. “She kissed me,” he says. “For a moment I thought I should… pursue that path. All of it. Going with Diana, be with her.”

“I don’t want to hear this,” she says, walking over to the couch, her knees weak. Mulder is on her heels, sits next to her, close, taking her hand into his. His touch is so familiar and her body reacts before her mind can interfere. She lets him hold her hand, even allows herself to lean into him, their bodies craving the intimacy.

“I’m not telling you to hurt you. For a moment I thought that life was all I could have. El Rico, Diana. But you saved me, Scully.” A smile tugs at his lips. “You always do. I’ve told you all of this last year and I meant it. I meant every word of it. You’re the one I want by my side. I need you by my side.”

“For how long, Mulder? Until Diana comes back?” Her hand slips out of his and she gets up, paces. The cursor on her screen is still blinking, still waiting. “I’m going to quit,” she says, her back turned to him. She hears him gasp.

“Scully, you can’t. We-”

“There is no we, Mulder. I’m tired. I can’t do this anymore.”

“But,” he starts, doesn’t finish his thought and just looks at her. She believes him. She is sure that he means every word he said, then and now. Had he told her this before Diana betrayed him, before she disappeared, her decision might look different. She’ll never know who he would have picked had he been forced to make a choice. Her or Diana.

“One chance,” he says, getting up. “That’s all I’m asking. For you to give me one more chance. You said I didn’t see you, didn’t listen to you. I did listen. I heard you loud and clear. I will listen. I will. Just… all I’m asking is for you to think it over one more time?”

“Mulder, you’re only doing this because Diana-”

He interrupts her, shaking his head. “No, I don’t. I should have said it sooner. You’re the one I trust, Scully. Only you.”

“You made your choice and it wasn’t me.”

“There never was a choice. It’s you. It’s always you.”

If only she could believe his words. Could bring the trust back. She loves him. It’s as clear to her as anything else. But right now it’s not enough.

“I need to think about it,” she says. It’s all she can give him.

“Thank you,” he whispers, reaching for her hand again. She watches as he brings it to his mouth, softly kissing it. She is too shocked to react, simply stares at him. There are no more words, just a lopsided grin before he leaves her apartment, the door softly clicking close.


End file.
